Dear Fanfiction!
by MrsDracoMalfoy1022
Summary: The HP characters each get to write a letter. Mostly to you. R&R
1. Sincerely, Harry Potter

**I don't own Harry Potter (Because if I did, Snape would live and Draco would marry Pansy instead of Astoria)**

Dear Fanfiction,

First off, I am the ONLY Boy Who Lived. I do NOT have a twin brother.

Secondly, I married GINEVRA WEASLEY! Not Hermione or Cho or Luna. GINNY!

Next, Snape is NOT my father. And I will never EVER EVER fancy him. I gag at the thought.

Lastly, I don't like Ron that way and I will NEVER like Malfoy in any way! Stop pairing me up with them!

Sincerely,

Harry James Potter

**Read and Review, darlings!**


	2. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy

**Still don't own HP. That would be J.K. Rowling. **

**Thanks to NotJustAMuggle for reviewing, AlwaysGryffindor13 and Manhattan for putting this on their story alert, and Jeimii-chan2009 for adding this to favorites! You guys rock!**

Dear Fanfiction,

I will NOT fall in love with Mudblood Granger anytime soon, thank you. The thought scares me. Badly.

And there will NEEEEEEVVVEEERRR be a time in which me and Potter date. I've seen the stories. They are horrible. Just like you.

Drapple…really? It me and an APPLE. A bloody APPLE! How would this work? You people are sick. I like EATING apples, not dating them!

My son Scorpius will never like that Rose Weasley. And I married Astoria Greengrass. Not Loony Lovegood or Pansy Parkinson or Daphne Greengrass or Ginny Weasley.

Stop making me the whiny, sarcastic kid. I'm not. And stop making me soft. I only covered for Potter because I can sometimes feel nice.

And who is Ebony?

My father will hear about this.

Sincerely,

Draco Lucius Malfoy

**I actually don't know if there are any Draco/Daphne stories. Hold on…**

**Yeah, there are. **

**Anyway, I did Draco next because he's my favorite character.**

**Deal with it. **


	3. Sincerely, Hermione Granger

**Sadly, I still don't own Harry Potter. **

**Special Fangz (Geddit cuz I'm Goff) to: Sometimes I lick windows, spinningspiderwebs, and bestgyrl for reviewing. ImNotShortImHobbitSized, HermioneHarmonyHarry, L-U-N-A-654, HermioneRavenclawMalfoy, phantomace13, bestgyrl, spinningspiderwebs, and whenshesmiles14 for putting this on your Story Alert Subscriptions. And Treebrooke, whenshesmiles14, and Sometimes I lick windows for adding this to your favorites! MCR ROX! **

Dear Fanfiction

First, I must talk about my name. You do know that it's Hermione, not 'Mione! Why do you make Ron and Harry call me that? They NEVER called me that!

Next, I will never like Draco Malfoy. That little ferret called me a Mudblood and has put down Ron (Oh, and Harry) multiple times.

Also, I will never like a teacher. Professor Lockhart was a little crush. But Snape? PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL? That's just sick.

Finally, just because I'm the only girl in my group of friends' (Not counting Ginny and Luna) doesn't mean I have to be paired up with every guy! My heart belongs to Ronald Bilius Weasley.

Oh, and also, my name is NOT B'Loody Mary Smith!

Sincerely,

Hermione Jean Granger

P.S. Both Malfoy and Harry told me to tell you to stop with the Drarry stories.

**~Review**


	4. Sincerely, Ron Weasley

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. She is an amazing person for that! Although, she is annoying me a bit for making Pottermore for Beta users only! **

**Thanks to (Sweet baby Jesus, there's a lot) ImNotShortImHobbitSized, whenshesmiles14, nighticeslipper09, Wildtalon1138, L-U-N-A-654, and bestgyrl for reviewing. nighticeslipper09, Wildtalon1138, and Nightkill for putting this on their story alert list. lemonlime2962 for adding ME to their favorite author list AND to their author alert list. And HP MY LIFE and Lilylucy for favoriting (That's not a word! YAY!) the story! **

Dear Fanfiction,

I just wanna begin by saying I'm STRAIGHT! Despite what Fred and George kid about. Harry is my best friend and Malfoy is my worst enemy! I'd NEVER fancy them! Or any other male.

Why is MY Hermione paired up with so many people? She loves ME!

Me and Luna? She kind of scares me.

Me and Lavender? One time thing. I can never be 'Won-Won' yet again!

Me and SNAPE? EWWWW!

Me and Pansy? Never. Ever. EVER.

Me and GINNY? She's my SISTER you sickos!

There are more, but I rather not discuss them.

Sincerely,

Ronald Bilius Weasley

***Snort* Bilius *Snort snort***

**Ron and Pansy don't make a bit of sense. Sorry, just being honest. **

**Y U NO REVIEW MY HP DARE STORY? **

**Oh, and see that button below this? It says 'Review this Chapter' **

**You know you want to. **


	5. Sincerely, Severus Snape

**I (sadly) don't own Harry Potter.**

**Thanks to spinningspiderwebs, ImNotShortImHobbitSized, AriLivesnotDylan, and bestgyrl for reviewing. And AriLivesnotDylan, L-U-N-A-654, and InLoveWithManga for adding this to their story alert list! ^^**

Dear Fanfiction,

I do realize my hair is greasy. Maybe because I work with potion fumes? This I understand. But please? Will you stop with the hair jokes? I know I'm sour, but I do have feelings.

I'm not Harry Potter's father. Nor do I hate him. I loved his mother Lily, but she picked James. We were best friends, that is all.

I would not have feelings for a student. Just because Ginevra Weasley has red hair like Lily, doesn't mean I would fancy her.

Also, I'm not evil. I was a spy for Dumbledore, not Voldemort.

Next time, pay attention to the movies or books.

Sincerely,

Severus Snape

P.S. My last name is spelled S-N-A-P-E. This is mostly to the twit who called me 'Snap'.

**I HATE when people make Snape evil! HE'S NOT!**

**I'm thinking of making a story where Fred and George sing 'Draco and Harry' by The Whomping Willows at the Yule Ball. I think this would be fun to write. Your opinion? **

**And who should I do next, Ginny or Fred and George? **


	6. Sincerely, Ginny Weasley

**The winner is…Ginny! **

**Thanks to bestgyrl, Punzie the Platypus, ImNotShortImHobbitSized and Woodswolf for reviewing. Loonaticslover13 and AlisaPhenom for putting me on their favorite author lists. hismagicaleye for putting me on their Author Alert list. Woodswolf for putting this on their Favorite Stories list. And Punzie the Platypus and Woodswolf for putting this on their Story Alert list! **

Dear Fanfiction,

Listen, I only had THREE boyfriends. Michael, Dean, and Harry. I do not really understand why you are pairing me with:

Hermione (Um, EW?)

Ron (He's my BROTHER, for crying out loud! That's Incest! It's illegal!)

Snape (Really? You gotta be kidding me! He's a TEACHER!)

Voldemort (He is incapable of ANY love!)

Draco (WHAT? I'd rather go out with Voldemort!)

Neville (I only went to the Yule Ball with him because there was no one else!)

And probably many more…

You disturb me.

Sincerely,

Ginevra Weasley

P.S. Yes, my name is GINEVRA! Not Virginia or Jenny!

**~Review**


	7. Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley

**Thanks to:**

**For reviewing: Punzie the Platypus, snailgirl, George Weasley's Ear, CaseyLove, phantomace13, Wildtalon1138, RhiJ, The QAS, JackieMooneyLestrange, The Awesome Ravenclaw, DungeonMasterOfChillness, whenshesmiles14, Twipotterfreak28, Woodswolf, reppad98, spinningspiderwebs, CathyCullen16, Supermegafoxyawsomehot, Shadowed2012, Dragon Soarer, ambercrombie541, shadegirlxxxx, house-elf7, and MistressMurder93**

**For Favoriting: George Weasley's Ear, RhiJ, Twipotterfreak28, kgryfferin98, kellkell96, The Real Schaluh, Drarryloveralways.7 (Dude, I love your username O_O), Shadowed2012, Dragon Soarer, Echo101, IcyRose66, Sammy-A.M, house-elf7, and fanpiric-twitard.**

**For adding to Story Alert: CaseyLove, JackieMooneyLestrange, DungeonMasterOfChillness, obsessed312, Twipotterfreak28, reppad98, BlueOwl7, kgryfferin98, bhenegar, CathyCullen16, The Real Schaluh, Dragon Soarer, Sammy-A.M, Sabina11, danniperson, NoSparkles, LilyLunaJackson1998, MistressMurder93, XxMalfoyxX, and fanpiric-twitard.**

**For adding to Author Alert: CathyCullen16 and Chocoholic and Proud. **

**Favorite Author: RhiJ **

**Fred will be like **this **and George will be like **_this_

Dear Fanfiction,

Listen here; George and I are twins and best friends.

_So we are NOT going to fancy each other. _

For crying out loud! Don't you people have lives?

_And why are we always just a prop in other stories? We have some good tales, you know! _

And I frankly don't care that Ginny is with Harry! If anything, George and I are glad!

_Better than Michael Corner or Dean Thomas! We heard they were snogging! _

I mean, it's not that Dean isn't cool, or anything. We just prefer Ginny with Harry.

_Also, stop pairing us up with yourselves. We'd never fancy freaks like YOU._

Just…just leave us alone.

Sincerely,

Fred and _George _Weasley

P.S. How do you mix up our names with Crabbe and Goyle?

**Next up…VOLDIE! **


	8. Sincerely, Lord Voldemort

**Thanks to…everyone! :D**

**Thanks to The Awesome Ravenclaw and DungeonMasterOfChillness, especially, for helping me a bit with the chapter ;D**

Dear Fanfiction,

How DARE you write these…these LIES about me?

Listen to me, the Dark Lord, I CAN'T LOVE. Do you hear me? I CAN'T LOVE!

And if I catch the one who's spying on my 'sessions' with Bellatrix, they won't know what hit them, I'd Avada Kedavra them so fast... err, not that we have that. Nope. Uh, definitely not. Uh uh. Anyway, she's a married woman! (Boy, am I glad I can't feel guilt…)

It is honestly disgusting how you link me and that blood-traitor Ginevra Weasley.

Voldie? Why do people like to call me that? It's Voldemort, or to you, the Dark Lord. Or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Sincerely, Lord Voldemort

P.S. I WOULD NEVER LOVE THAT FILTHY MUDBLOOD GRANGER! CRUCIO!

**Ahh…I love Voldemort!**

**So…who should I do next? **

**Love ya, **

**~Gen **


	9. Sincerely, Remus Lupin

**Thanks all!**

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not exactly the one to get angry but this is ridiculous.

Remus L. And N. Tonks stories: 3,400.

Remus L. and Sirius B. stories: 8,036?

I mean, REALLY.

Nymphadora Tonks is my wife! Sirius Black is my best friend!

Are ALL of you sick in the mind?

And it doesn't stop there! You pair me up with EVERYONE!

You're…mean!

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin.

P.S. Sirius, please write me back.

**Little OOC and short. I know. Sorry. **

**Dumbledore is next! **


	10. Sincerely yours, Albus Dumbledore

Dear Fanfiction,

Now, I am gay. I just wanted to let you know that before I continue.

So this means Minerva and me will never have a relationship.

Also, Severus and me did not have any kind of romance either. However, I do find that Severus is a great man.

Now, with Gellert. I do admit I had some feeling for my childhood friend, but nothing ever happened.

I do assure you I am not evil. And I would never pay anyone to like Harry.

Sincerely yours,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

P.S. There is a difference between Pedophilia and Homosexuality.

**I'd think Dumbles would be calm with his letter, don'tcha think?**

**Who to do next? **


	11. Sincerely, Sirius Black

**Guess what? I have a German version of this! Someone kindly asked me to do it, so I did! If you're German, check it out! :D**

Dear Fanfiction,

First off, let me say I don't want to do this. Remus made me read your mediocre stories; I assure you I didn't read them on my own.

I am _not _just some sidekick to James. If anything, he was MY sidekick! We were more like partners in crime really.

And just because I spent twelve years of my life in Azkaban, I have no sexual experience? That's a laugh! You can just ask Remus-OW! Stop hitting me, Moony!

Anyway, why do you always pair ME with your freakish OCs? I would never go out with some crazy fangirl!

And I just love it when you make me a total man whore! Really, it's just the cherry on top to a lovely day!

STOP WITH THE SHIPS! PLEASE! Lily is sweet, but I could never love her. Bellatrix is plain EVIL. Snivellus…that's just wrong. And Lucius Malfoy? GAG!

I'm not even going to comment on shipping me with Harry.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to apologize to a very cranky werewolf.

Sincerely,

Sirius Black

**Purposely did not mention Wolfstar in his raging of ships. Because Wolfstar is awesome. **

**Thanks to MissHaleyBlack for giving me some ideas for this chapter. You are now 20% cooler! :)**

**Next up: Luna Lovegood. **

**Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, **

**~Gen**


	12. Sincerely, Luna Lovegood

**DERP! **

Dear Fanfiction,

Now, I'm all for creativity, but this is quite ridiculous.

First of all, I'm not just some rambling loony. Sure, I enjoy facts of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack...but who doesn't? Anyhow, this isn't the only things I talk about.

Secondly, why am I...non-existant? In stories which aren't about me...I'm never there. It is rather annoying.

Lastly, I do not enjoy being...what's it called...shipped with a bunch of people. I mean, Neville? He's sweet, but painfully normal. Ginny? You people are odd. More odd than me. And Malfoy? Never really spoke to him. Ever.

There are countless others, both those are the three I simply can't stand.

Have you all got Wrackspurts in your head?

Sincerely,

Luna Lovegood

P.S. Now I have to go and make sure there aren't any Luna/Umbridge stories...

**Thanks littlegoldengirl for the amazing ending! **

**Well, I'm back! AND SEXEHIER THEN EVAH! **

**TEEHEE! **

**Sorry Luna is a bit OOC. But hey, what can ya do?**

**Next: Um...Neville Longbottom? Sure. **

**Hugs and PONIES, **

**~Gen **


	13. Sincerely, Neville Longbottom

**Disclaimer: Insert witty disclaimer here **

Dear Fanfiction,

Um, okay. So, this is currently my seventeenth time writing this. I would send in the others but I...lost...them...

Anyway, I'd like to, um, clear up a few things.

Firstly, I don't think you quite...get who I am. It seems everyone has a take on my personality. Some of you do it quite well. Others...well...

Secondly, I, uh, don't appreciate the shipping. At all. Hannah Abbot is my wife and that is all. Why are you so obsessed with me and Luna? She's nice...but...um..._loony_...(No offense!)

Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,

Neville Longbottom.

**I don't read Neville Fanfiction, so I was kind of blocked here. **

**EEEEEEP!**

**Next: Percy Weasley? Yeah, okay. **

**Queen of Drarryness, **

**~Gen**


	14. Sincerely, Percy Weasley

**WOOOO! Gettin this done before the holidays. *Does awesome dance***

**FIRETRUCK! Someone reported one of my stories! I hate the world...**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah not mine blah blah**

Dear Fanfiction,

Now, I hope you didn't forget I APOLOGIZED TO MY FAMILY FOR BEING A PRAT. I ADMITTED it! So why do you people still HATE me?

It really ticks me off of how...angry you make me seem. I'll have you know, I've calmed down quite a bit since the war.

On to the...pairings. I'm not even going to talk about the incest. But...OLIVER WOOD? REALLY?

Sincerely,

Percy Ignatius Weasley

**Awww...but I like Olivercy! *Dodges glass bottle* MISSED ME! **

**Hope you guys enjoyed! **

**Next: Um...I don't know...who do you guys want?**

**Your royal highness, **

**~Gen**


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